Ive read a lot if posts on here but yours mirrors mine almost exactlyIm so mentally exhausted and feel so alone I am so appreciative of what you wrote because it reminds me that Im absolutely normal in what Im feeling. This study extends research by examining how the effects of unemployment vary with gender, specific tasks, and over time. i finally realized that my husband has been chronically unemployed, because he has a criminal background, he feels that this is what keeps him from getting a full time job. I am tired of this unemployment of my husband. So end-up I do the cooking recently. Ive been in this relationship for 6 1/2 years and he hasnt worked a job for most of it..3 months here, almost 2 yrs of unemployment benefits ( which all through I was calmly pointing out isnt income but a benefit for hard times )then 3 months there and 6 months unemployed and not looking. With the next interview, we hope hell get hired. Not even temp work. All together about these differences and how this impacts your marriage. It gets me so irritated that when I come home with a paycheck, he laments oh, I just wish I had $20.00 in my wallet. My last straw plan is just to explain what I need and see where it goes. He lost that job and found a job at a warehouse a few months later. I am very close with the kids (ages 11 to 16), and take care to prioritize their needs. One night I went out with some girlfriends and came home late, he had been drinking and beat me up when I got home. I own my own home and it is rented. I spent today walking around stores with him. You may feel I am too conservative and tradition. When things get critical financially he asks his sick mother for money and she sends it. He owned a small carpet cleaning company and did okay with this the first 10 years of our marriage while i worked part-time and raised the babies. We moved to a new city together last April so I could go back to school and she worked for 2 months during the Summer, but has been for the most part unemployed since last January. As if I can afford to do that! There is too much fluff and fairy floss around all this stuff, you know, relationships and love. Not enough black and white hard speak from us old battle ships broad sided on deep waters and left listing to limp home. I work a very basic job and just manage to pay the bills each month. He owes me thousands of dollars at this point. First it was an industry crisis. I am now having all the same thoughts that I read through this great thread. I am a stay at home mom of a 21 months old girl and I am also taking care of another child for about 20 hours a week. Does money play into it at all? being alone with all that money to spend on your own needs would make you far happier than snuggling up to a leech every night. Compared to their employed counterparts, unemployed women, but not men, perform even more housework in a country where the . Its really like people had me type cast as their loser friend or loser relative and attempts to change that were met with resistance. Be blessed. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. They are not. And i know my family wont let him move in with me. He just does not get it one bit. Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Do Anything Around The House. He has dinner at least partially started most days (I enjoy cooking). Too many of them require money, which clearly we dont have. He is lazy and not driven, and Im tired of pretending its anything else. I so understand the resentment. I think what if something were to happen to me? But I rather him chipping in to pay the bills. The hardest part is he had two cats when we got together and theyve slowly also become my cats, I could never leave themand I think he knows that. Horror upon horror, about a couple of weeks before the wedding, my brother-in-laws business partner decided that he have had it with my sisters future husband. his father doesnt want him living with him, his brother kicked him out and his mother lives in another state! On average, in a two partner family, where both partners worked; I am trying to support us with two part-time jobs, but I dont get health insurance through work. Last December, The New York Times reported on a regrettable trend. I feel like a complete fool sometimes. All of the struggle is worth it, to put a stop to the abuse. He is a handyman and I do thankhim for that but financial support is needed as well. He was supportive for the week when I was really down, but in mentioning the upcoming memorial service (delayed due to the aforementioned family issues) this morning, he said he had completely forgotten about it, as he had other things on his mind. Lesson use meditation and mindfulness to value your partner and get back to some employment and love yourself for that small step. All I can sayis this sucks. He should be pulling himself up and taking care of his family. I am no rocket scientist. I sort out EVERYTHING for him, I have to remind him when his court dates are, when he has his daughter for summer visitation, when he needs to get her enrolled in camp, I wrote his resume, looked up job openings for him, I mean literally everything. Yes, you can come to this blog to have a break but nothing can be changed in your environment. We have 2 amazing children aged 9 and 5. This leads me to wonder not when, but if he will be able to find a job in his field; he does not know how to sell himself and has not been successful in interviews hes had. One potential solution to this is to pinpoint a few specific chores that you want to offload permanently and/or ask him if theres anything hed be willing to take ownership of. I am finding it increasingly hard, dark and lonely. If the relationship is fairly new a couple of years old you can feel perfectly at ease with asking him to arrange for a friend to live with or a brother , sister or mom dad. I wanted to come back and share with everyone, my spouse now has a full time job and he is actually enjoying it and really working hard at it. He just sits in front of computer all the time. Its enough to pay the minimum on our bills and thats it. "Being in the car for the call is good; if it's bad news it allows me to decompress before I get home, so he doesn't have to see me worry," she said. Now Ive been threatened with divorce and he has become emotionally and physically abusive. This leads one to believe that my position is steady. Ive carried the mortgage and bills for maybe 4 of these years and his consulting job isnt bringing anything in now. Your husband might be feeling ashamed, angry, or sad. It has gotten to the point there are only a few friends he will even spend time with as he doesnt mind them. His work dismissed him despite a doctors note. He is afraid to leave the house, much less work in a public setting, and has had several severe panic attacks just from minimal exposure to strangers. I get told if he does work its going be on the weekends.. You can close.. HE NEVER FILED FOR AN APPEAL. This is not where I expected to be at 41. My husband has been busting his a$$ for nearly 2 years now and gets nothing but rejection letters, but Im behind him 1000%. ( the partner of unemployed wife usually has less problem. Hes been out maybe 3 days putting out resumes and had one interview. I really want to go to college as well but supporting us both means I cant save. Once released, i already knew there was something going on between him n the girl. Private chat services are also available at thehotline.org. Descubr lo que tu empresa podra llegar a alcanzar. We bicker like never before. These people dont have to be unemployed, they could find and keep jobs if they wanted to, they could help out around the house if they wanted to but they elect not to because they know that you feel as though you are trapped and arent going to be able to easily get rid of them. Its unhealthy and he absolutely needs to see a psychiatrist. U can not hope to choose way A to reach destination B. Ie. Thank God, I have a good freelance job which pays enough to make the ends meet. I worked 12 hour days 7 days per week. I was laid off after my 3rd child, and picked right up with my own business. Good luck and much happiness in the future to all of us. He says he feels bad for how things are. Ideally, we could have addressed this earlier in our marriage, but I didnt mind it as much when we were both working and busy. They both complain about each other and Im always stuck in the middle. He doesnt have much family and I have the polar opposite. AT this point it seems really nice to think of only worrying about myself and letting him figure his own situation out. I felt resentful towards Sweden that I couldnt get a job and become whiney and self pitying all the while enjoying a lovely lifestyle. I work so hard just to get us from motnh to month and theres never any security let alone any moment when I can get past the stress of having to do this! I feel my partner should at least do a voluntary job for a church or a charity and thus show that he is willing to work since he cant find useful employment. When he just lost his job, I finished my vacation course and looking for part time and expected he will get some work no matters full time or part time. Hi Luzy, how is your situation going? I do not know how much longer I can hold on.I am thinking of divorce almost everyday! Him with a job .. Finally, you may need to come to a place of acceptance. I challenge anyone to say it doesnt. Im not talking about men that are temporarily out of work, or in between jobs and are doing the household chores. XOXO. The study found that increases in the probabilities of divorce were only significantly correlated with decreases in wife's housework time. I could live by myself, date a little bit, have a dog, and just enjoy life instead of carrying him all the time. Thats fine, hed be going back afterwards, and he got vacation pay. I felt so alone and Im not the most sociable person on the planet anyway. You deserve it. I live in fear of emergency expenses. I have become bitter, angry, resentful, and depressed. I work in retail and yeah, the job sucks but I do what I have to do. He has gotten marginally better at being a dad. We are lucky that we have an income from renting out a flat, however that was meant to be savings to be able to buy a house and for our wedding but it disappears each month along with my whole salary. Me and my brother are currently not speaking because he insists on mooching off of my parents/other people instead of earning an income of his own. I plan on talking with him about a plan but Ive been resentful for years and weve had arguments a few times here and there about money. Fast forward to present day, still no job, works 15 hours a week bartending at his friends restaurant and has 16k left in his retirement. Fast-food, retail, front desk, anything! But her parents said that due to my hearing problem they cant agree to this relationship and fixed her marriage with someone else. I know from your post there is no love from him because why else would you have a thought of taking yourself out?you are in pain and he fails to elevate his manhood and maybe is looking for a free ride. But, I felt sorry for him and people helped me when I was finishing off my doctorate, so I figured it was my turn to pay the world back, in a way. He never asks me for money. He was doing fine performance wise, but was always in an angry mood with a boo boo face saying little to nothing to co-workers. Also I just had our son and got pregnant a month after with our daughter he did some work for a girl on her car and they started talking and ended up goin to the movies and I found out and flipped and he just stopped doin his mechanic business.That was 2 years ago. I cant do anything by cry everyday. and I feel so alone and frightened right now. Perhaps that explains why, for marriages post-1975, men with full-time employment had a 2.5 percent chance of divorcing the following year, compared to unemployed men who had a 3.3 percent risk of divorce. He got TEFL certified and is looking for jobs in South Korea and I am working on my certification but its so hard to do my coursework when I have a full time job. :(. He was very nice and very attentive to me and always called me beautiful and brought me little gifts. I have all the workload and absolutely no down time, when I am not dealing with difficult situations at work, I get to come home and deal with his unreasonableness. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? He prefers to keep our finances separate because he can't ever usually contribute and feels bad. As do you. Im tired. This entire scenario is indicative of a mental health breakdown, and the unemployment is just another side effect. His parents are okay with him not working.. We have place to live, two beautiful children, husband who looks after the kids after school(btw that is the only thing he does when I am at work- as soon as I come home I have to cook, clean, take care of the school work and kids) and my parents in law do not understand why I am so unhappy? I know thats unfair but I cant get past it. (I know, $ but divorce is $$$$$$$.). This gas been going on now for ten years. He had a job. I actually have 2 jobs both are from home (thankfully). The rest he spent on god knows what because all we have to show for it is the trucks. Maybe when I wake up, hell have a job. I certainly hope and pray that our economy improves soon and each unemployed person finds work that is fulfilling in both meaning and income. I think we are all being used and abused.! Resentment is a bitch! Ugh reading all of these comments makes me think of my current woes. Ill be thinking of you and sending you good vibes for finding stable work. Then the revival turned into stagnation again. I think thats the bad time that we have to honor in our marriage vow. We also dont have sex on a regular basis, so there is a lot missing from our already strained marriage. He refused to even consider returning to school .. Im too old .. I know if he truly loved me, there would b no chance of another female coming in the picture. Be grateful you have two people. Im just tired of being the Proverbs 31 woman. He lives in my house, I pay for all the expenses, including the two kids full time child care. Are you kidding me? I was under the impression that marriage was about being a team, sharing interests and living a long, full life of laughter and kisses. I promised myself I wont do that anymore. During the 5th week of therapy, her oncologist increased her dosage, which made my sister sick. I work too much. But the good times didnt last; after everything I did to get him the job, he screwed it up big time by failing a drug test and got stood down for five weeks. The strongest of MEN would crumble under the weight of responsibity borne by the least of us. She doesn't . He keeps intimating moving back home, but I dont want to. I am at my WITS END! So before any of that happens if I leave he may be able to find a roommate or petition his financial aid. You will have to stick to your word and leave in 90 days if he still wont work Because clearly that means he doesnt really love or respect you at all. For example, physical disability or the recent COVID-19 resulted in many people getting laid off or declared . First I just want to thank everyone who has helped me feel so much less alone! That's because spoiling your children doesn't teach them how the world works. I know I have to be there through the tough times, but my husband makes me feel like a jerk when I tell him Im stressed and unhappy in our marriage. I work full time, but I cant cover all the bills, so Im struggling to cover what I can. I pay 2/3 of the rent and cable/internet, she pays the very minimal utilities. Since we first pretty much start dating.. During the 3 years yes he had some free lance jobs or temp jobs but nothing that lasts more then months at a time.. Or even a year. If youre the slacking-off spouse, you might feel frustrated by never getting it right when you help, justifying your avoidance to engage, Clark said. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ANY JOB and I did apply for a few even if it meant cleaning up poo to give me back a sense of pride and contribution to the world. Sometimes its too muchI cannot deal with this. I fell in love with my boyfriend when we were just two kids in college workin part time jobs.