This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. Killed bin Laden. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. He had the same plane as yours. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Bad altitude. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I will take the both of you for a ride. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. SUB sandwiches! You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Yes, said the lieutenant. 5. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. March forth! What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? What are you doing? I asked. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. How much noise can we make up here? I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. This is really good, he said. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. Altitude is life insurance. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. 2. Caller: Is Sgt. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. 8. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. You had tents?, USAF: Birds I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Stay out of clouds. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Then came Dads ships turn. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. August 15, 2021. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? A drill serGENTLEMEN! As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Eternal Piece On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. 35. So I quit ordering it.. 10. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Rodrigues there? "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Did it work? Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? ! 2. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Marine: Wait, stop. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? The reason? One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! Theres a post recall and he went to work. 1. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. 4. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. He says, Anyway, enough about me. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? He is the Founder and . Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Me: No, I dont. Caller: Sgt. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. They throw out a pistol. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. He finally comes dragging in at. Even his son turned up. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. Reply: No, I say again. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. Why Do We Celebrate It? The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. What do hungry Marines eat? What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. The two lads objected strongly. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . A drill serGENTLEMEN! Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. 54. I dont see it.. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. We were a tough group. Learn from the mistakes of others. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Me: Hello? You divertyour course! Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. It was sheer brilliance. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. Caller: Do you have his right number? Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. 9. (pointing at the sky). What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. The Marine said Are you crazy? 50. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Its not weak, he replied. 10. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. 37. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Soldier: No, SIR!. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? Louis, I grumbled. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Me: Still the wrong number. Now, lets try it again! Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Speed is life. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 40. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. ! Hey, Im from Chicago too!. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. DeFrigNo! When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. What happened Sergeant? The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). USN: Helos Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Rodrigues? March forth! But I am public affairs, I said. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Decodes 7. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. Aviation JOKES. 17. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. SUB sandwiches! Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Individual use is by implied consent. Whats an LMD? I asked. I just put them all together for your amusement. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Fish Food. Flight Announcements 4. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! A military captain saying I was just thinking The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. 3. (Hang up. The Lasting Supper They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Marine: Wait, stop. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. USMC: OHH! Anecdotes 1. What did you do? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. 13. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Gary Toohard. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". And )second What do hungry Marines eat? Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team.