Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. My ex contacted me after about 3 years of no contact. He then kept trying to reach out later because he was convinced a cartel was trying to kill him and it was my fault. IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. But for that to happen, your ex has to suffer and change his or her opinion of you. They dont want to hear how youre doing through the grapevine. I could tell knowing the truth was a huge weight off his mind. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. After their first failed romance after yours, they realize that the vision they had of what it might be like to be with someone else isnt all it was cracked up to be. Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. Keep up with Elizabeth on Twitter and attracttheone.com. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. That's actually something I thought of doing. You are right that there probably isn't a deeper meaning t9 it. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. If you have seen this behavior before from your ex, dont dive in headfirst. Someone in their life could have randomly brought you up in conversation. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. 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Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. Minor inconveniences in their way or temptations to commit infidelity can drift two lovers apart in a jiffy. Say, you have been applying the no-contact rule after the breakup, be it a mutual decision or one-sided. If you're hesitant to use a video call, a phone call can be as intimate and connective as a video call. I've been honestly tempted since reevaluating everything about the last ten years of my life. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. If you're in the midst of a no contact rule, which includes time frames of 21 days, 30 days, and 45 days, you may be sitting and thinking that you should respond back to your ex. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. However, they later got back together and married in 2011. Yeah - no. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. Reach out because youd like to reconnect to see where someone is at in their life, to share a memory of past times, or offer a show of support and caring. In fact, it can help minimize our own sense of anxiety. Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. Want to know more? I haven't reached out because I think he's married. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. When they meet up with their ex years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together. Do what's best for you. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. Takeaway Secondly, it also gives us evidence that others have successfully faced similar challenges. It felt good verifying that intuition. We dont sign up for certain catastrophes in life. Another reason why your ex contacts you suddenly after so long might be because they are struggling with their feelings alone. But they didnt click with anyone. No matter how you both ended things, try not to respond to the text immediately, even if its a lazy Saturday afternoon and your only entertainment is your cat licking her own fur. Exes might get back together if the reasoning for a breakup was mutual or based on uncontrollable life circumstances. When an ex contacts you years later, make sure you dont actively try to turn it into a guilt trip for them. A voice can calm us down and we can catch so much more meaning when listening to anothers inflection, tone, rate of speech that texts will never allow even with the latest set of emojis! It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. Apparently he had heard a rumor that I had found out I was pregnant after we broke up and had aborted the baby. He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. Your ex didnt treat you very well when you were together, and to top it off, they dumped you and never looked back. Youll wonder if your ex wants to talk about random things or discuss something important. I don't think it's reciprocated on my end & I thought not replying would prevent another attempt to be honest. The first time was about 6 months later. So before you take your ex back, make sure your ex wants you for you and not just because your ex can benefit from you and rely on you emotionally. If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone. When were facing something scary, we do like to hear about people whove survived a similar threat or something even worse. I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. It could also just be curiosity which I understand to a certain extent I guess. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? Basically, he sent me a very long email (that's his way of communication.) Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. Stay out of contact with him, Al. But they happen anyway., and you are left with no other choice than to face the aftermath. While you tactfully avoid tapping on the notification, it can throw your whole mojo off-balance. Society typically tells us that people don't change. :). But that alone wont help you gain closure. Reaching out to an ex years later can play out in one of two ways, you either connect with each other again or nothing good comes of it. She responded back instantly. He has a wife and two adorable girls now and Im happy for him. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. His reply is 'the plain human courage shown by the people of Vietnam', instead of the . | Something bad must have happened to her that made her want to clear he conscience. Youve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. He also had trust issues before we got together. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. [9] It can be a shock to get a random text or phone call from your ex. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. You're finally feeling like yourself again and putting yourself back out there, when, like clockwork, your ex reaches out to you. My wife got sick after 2 years and I have been her carer since. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. However, before taking any action, you should listen to what theyve got to say, get some advice, and dont respond. But dont rush into setting a date for a catch-up over coffee. "Crossing the X Date would be unprecedented," Akabas said. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. By the looks of it, you dont have a lot of respect for her, so you want to keep moving on without her. That usually means theyve contacted you for some companionship and not for anything serious. These may be friends, family members, and love interests whom they may have wounded emotionally or with whom they fell out and its totally normal to want to find a way to resolve longstanding issues and gain a sense of peace. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. Also, a Caffeine headed individual whose day consists of bouts of contemplation about life and afterlife. His or her inquiries, requests, or demands, as well as the approach and attitude your ex chooses will soon reveal why your ex contacted you after so many years. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. Just ask, Why did you reach out to me after all this time? Your ex will likely be at a loss of words at first, but soon either give you the truth or half-truth. When your ex reaches out after a long period of time, odds are they've changed. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. Of course, as a dumpee, you might not have to stay your exs backup plan forever. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. And also, if youre looking for 1-on-1 help with your ex, check out our coaching page. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? I'm not mad that she reached out. He agreed. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. It was important and felt good. Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. He had no intention of getting back with you romantically. I know ex wanted me back at first, but I didn't want that. It was like a weight lifted. After reading his message im not sure if I should reply. hat would hurt him? Although your ex could want you back, its much more likely that he or she will just want to find out how you feel about him/her and try to learn what youve been up to.